Thursday, September 10, 2009

Pendulum Vitae

For the past couple of days, I've been focusing my energy in too many directions - not at all what one does when one is attempting to embrace life, live in the moment, be present, and all that other hippie-Zen awesomeness I've been reading so much about (or would be, if I weren't so busy doing other things...).


Don't get me wrong, it's not that the tasks I'm trying to accomplish aren't totally valid - on the contrary, they're all really important. The problem is, as unfailingly simple as they each seem in my head (and trust me, they really do), in reality they all involve some level of bureaucracy (result: they're really not). In short, dealing with the dregs of my past adventures while attempting to participate in my current ones has taken up time, cell phone minutes, patience, and attention that I had not planned to spend, and to seemingly little effect. This is vexing.

Now, after several days of ineffective multitasking, I feel worn, tired, and melancholy. That is also vexing. (Where were sad and angry in that mix, you might ask? Well, gosh, they were here yesterday. Looks like you juuuust missed them. Shucks).

Still, at least there's comfort in familiarity. After all, I spent my teenage years here, and if you can't get moody visiting your childhood home, where can you? Tonight I might be a grumpus, but at least I know where I stand: high atop the hills of regression, gazing out upon vast expanses of virgin angst and clear-flowing self indulgence, where the wild frustration and bitterness roam free... All it needs is a giant SUV and an American flag, and it'd be the perfect commercial.

There are some really nifty life lessons in all of this. Like, learning to give yourself permission to let go of the really important things that you wish you could change, but can't. Or loving people/experiences for who and what they are in the moment, not who/what they could be. Or paying attention to when stress enters your life, and acting accordingly. Or Downsizing. Delegating. Communicating your plans with others, so they feel important and valued. Not making people wait. Or -oh, irony- how about not always treating life like a self-improvement class? How about letting myself relax?

Folks, it might be time for stage 2 of my Magical Quest for Herbs and Adventures.

To be continued....

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